settling disputes
by Iwannagetitwrite
Summary: Chekov and Scotty ask Jamie which is better, scotch or vodka. other one shots may appear.
1. settling disputes

_Just some fun..._

"scotch."

"wodka."

"scotch."

"wodka."

the two enterprise friends walked to the space station's bar, doing a friendly discussion. The young Russian open the door and spied an empty table.

"how 'bout we find someone ta decide for us laddie." the older Scott said. He looked around and saw another Scotsman, in full Scottish garb. "how 'bout 'im?"

Chekov looked, "no, he vould be biased."

Scotty shakes his head, "Na, he looks honest enough ta me." he walks over to and sits next to the boy. "hi, and what be your name laddie?"

the boy smiles and speaks with a heavier accent, "Jamie. Wha' is yours?"

Chekov sits on the stool on his other side. "he's mister Scott and I'm Pavel Chekov."

Scotty asks, "I know we just met, but could ye settle a dispute fer us?"

Jamie nods.

"what tastes better? Scotch or vodka?"

Jamie looks confused, "well, I've no ever had vodka before an' the Doctor don't want me ta be drinkin'. But..." he looks around, "a little taste couldn't hurt."

Scotty orders two orders of scotch and vodka each. They watch as Jamie carefully samples them, the vodka first. "tastes like potatoes." then the scotch, "I'm sorry ta say this but, it's kinda weak fer my tastes." he looks around again. "here, give me your empty cups." he pulls a flask out of his boot and pours a smidge in their cups. They both take a swig. The reactions were priceless. Scotty looked shocked at drink, while Chekov choked on his. As soon as his system was clear he gasps, "vhat was that?!" Jamie smiles, "my scotch." Scotty nods, wide eyed, "goooood scotch."

a second later a girl walks up. "Jamie, the Doctor says it is time to go. Have you been drinking?"

"will ye tell 'im if I did?"

"not if you don't want me to."

"okay." he gets up, "see ye again." the two of them leave. Scotty turns to Chekov, "aye, ye were right, he was biased."

 _lol, review please!_


	2. Jamie starts a bar fight

_If Jamie was involved with the Klingon bar fight..._

Jamie sat aside Scotty and Chekhov, drinking the watered down scotch that was offered. The three yakked about their beverages. "when are you gonna get off that milk diet lad?" Scotty asks the Russian boy.

Chekhov puts down his drink, "this is wadka."

"where I come from, that's soda pop. Now this is a drink for a man." he holds his own up.

Chekhov scoffs, "scotch?"

"aye." both Scots agree.

"it was inwented by an little old lady from Leningrad."

Scotty chuckles as Jamie counters, "she knew her stuff then. This wee glass is not as strong as what I grew up on."

a Klingon leans on the bar and takes the trader's cup over a bunch of tribbles. "the earthers really like those fuzzy things don't they?" the trader laughs, He then loudly proclaims his opinion of humans, "Frankly, I never liked earthers. They remind me of regulin blood worms." he laughs.

"that (insert Russian cuss word)." Chekhov says, riling up.

"easy lad, you ought to be more forgiving." Scotty calms him down.

"ye ain't pretty to look at either." Jamie retorts.

The Klingon was shocked at the comeback, most earthers wouldn't dare. The others in his crew urge him on. "well, looks like one of you earth men has a spine. Fine accent you have... for a warthog!"

Jamie smiles, "yours ain't that bad either... for a daisy."

the Klingons at the next table howl with laughter. He switches tracks, "there is one human who doesn't remind me of a regulan blood worm, and that's Captain Kirk. A regulan blood worm is soft and spineless, and Kirk, isn't soft."

Jamie laughs, "aye, his head's so tough you couldn'ta crack it with a ax."

"easy lad, everybody is entitled to an opinion." Scotty stops Chekhov.

Chekhov frowns, feeling betrayed by his new friend. Scotty switches the boy's drink with a passing beer and makes him sit.

"we're big enough to take a few insults, besides, Jamie here's winning. Now drink your drink" Scotty smiles.

Chekhov frowns at the liquor in his mouth as the Klingon continues, "I believe captain Kirk deserves his ship. We like the enterprise, we really do! That sagging old rust bucket is designed like a garbage scow. Half the quadrant knows it, that's why they're learning Klingonese." he laughs.

Jamie smirks, "Aye, an your ship is the trash it's haulin'."

He stops laughing and sneers, "at least I don't dress like a female."

"it's a kilt."

"and what is it good for?"

"showing that I've got bigger balls than ye!"

Scotty laughs so hard at Chekhov's shocked expression. Jamie smiles, downs his drink and stands to leave. The Klingon looks at his fellows and punches Jamie, knocking him to the floor. Jamie smiles and returns the blow, the bar fight ensues.

"alright, who started the fight?" Kirk asks his battered crew. They all smile and point at Jamie. Kirk stands, facing him, "did you throw the first punch?"

"ach, no. the Klingon did. We were having a battle a wits an I won."

"why can't my crew be more like you? Okay, everyone go to doctor McCoy, then get to work."

they all shuffle off, chattering and laughing.

"I wish you were part of my crew."

"that's alright. After McCoy is done with me, I'll just pop on over to the Klingons."

"why?"

"they offered me a drink."

 _I thought this was funny. Hope you did too. Please review._


End file.
